My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
