Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize