Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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