I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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