I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
