like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
