Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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