When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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