So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Damn victory sex feels great
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize