Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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