i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
