just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
pop tarts are not kleenex
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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