You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think my moral compass just broke
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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