Who did Billy Mays play for?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
