He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
