idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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