i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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