would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
