k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
