I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
