I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
