Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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