Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
