Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
