That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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