Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
