I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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