bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Randomize
