I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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