what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
