Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize