i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
