so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
COCAINE IS GR8
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
