We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize