quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize