You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
