Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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