first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
