and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
