i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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