I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Randomize