im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
