I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
