So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
