alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
