a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
