Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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