Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
