when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
