a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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