if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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