Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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