we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
