yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
