I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
