community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
