let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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