absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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