so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
