I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
