I heard we made out
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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