i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
