U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
