My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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